Posts Tagged ‘coaching’

Why We Shouldn’t Say I Should

By Susan Whitcomb | 2 Comments »

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The brain is a sentry, always looking out for danger or oddities in our environment. Danger doesn’t just mean physical threats. It can also mean emotional or intellectual threats. And once a threat is perceived, our autonomic nervous system kicks in with a cortisol rush and we shift into fight-flight-freeze mode.

One of the ways we may unknowingly add threats to our lives is with our self-talk. For example, when we say “I should . . .” we are subtly making ourselves wrong. And when we make ourselves wrong, a chain reaction happens.

I should = I’m wrong.

I’m wrong = fight-flight response

Fight-Flight = cortisol spikes

Cortisol spikes = diminished ability to think creatively

 

In this cycle, we shift from “calm-connect-curiosity” to “cringe-and-condemnation”!

To shift from fight-flight / cringe-and-condemnation mode back into calm-connect-curiosity mode, first, remember to breathe deeply! This brings additional oxygen back to the parts of the brain that can reason.

Then, consider this languaging:

Cringe-Condemnation            Calm-Connect-Curiosity

I should be (present)                      I wonder

I should have (past)                        I’m noticing

If only I had (past)                          I’m aware of

 

In other words, if you’re PRESENTLY saying things like “I should be [working harder, eating less, exercising more, making more networking calls, etc.]”

shift to:

“I wonder [what I might work on that would be most meaningful, what kinds of foods my body really is craving now, how I might get more movement in today, who I’d like to connect with]”

Or, if you’re beating yourself up over PAST “shoulds” such as “I should have worked harder,”

shift your internal dialogue to:

“I’m aware that I could have done more. Next time, I’ll do this differently. I’m grateful that I’m more aware of what works best and what doesn’t.”

What “shoulds” will you be dropping from your vocabulary?! Enjoy!

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Backwards Advice? Keep Your Clients “IN” Their Comfort Zone!

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

We’ve heard for years that “results come outside the comfort zone”! “Stretch yourself!” “Think outside the box.”

To some degree those statements are true. And yet, from what we know about brain-based research, there’s evidence that urging people to shift outside of their comfort zone may actually be less effective. Here’s why.

The Red Zone

blog post 1Our brains translate the phrase “Beyond the comfort zone” as “risk, threat, danger.” Risk, threat, and danger puts the brain into a fight-flight state. In that fight-flight state:

  • Cortisol and adrenalin are released,
  • Blood pumps to the large muscle groups so that we can fight or flee,
  • Blood flow is reduced in the executive function of the brain.

In short, it puts folks in what I call “the red zone”!

When blood flow is reduced to the prefrontal cortex (our executive brain), we are robbed of our ability to think as creatively, clearly, and strategically . . . the very thing we need to do when we are in an unfamiliar situation (aka, outside our comfort zones)!

The Blue/Green Zone

blog post 2Conversely, if we can help clients shift into the blue/green zone, they will be operating with full-functioning capacity of their brain. When all of this happens, “happy” neurotransmitters are pulsing through the brain and the body—dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, etc.—and, in turn:

  • Ideas flow and insights comes
  • Possibilities and hope increases
  • Energy rises, which gives rise to courage and confidence

So, the next time you’re working with a client and you notice they’re feeling out of their comfort zone, shift them into the brain’s “comfort zone”—that blue/green space of creativity and confidence first! In doing so, you are creating new neural pathways that will make the new thing (the change, the challenge) no longer outside the comfort zone, but part of it! That’s powerful!

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Brain-Based Techniques for Success: Which paradigm is your client operating from?

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

November has been a very exciting time here at The Academies with our 5th Annual Virtual Bootcamp! In case you missed it, here’s a sample of the buzz from social media:

  • Michelle Carroll shared this quote of John Assaraf’s: “You have all the intelligence you need to be successful.
  • Stacy Harshman chimed in with this quote from Tali Sharot: “Our brains aren’t quite the final authority on what is around us, or indeed, within us…
  • Tolu Adeleye picked up this nugget: “Helping clients in transition—remember, what has worked for them in the past is a key part of our work as coaches.”

You can see these and other takeaways by searching for #theacademies on Twitter. On Facebook, visit with us in the group Susan Whitcomb & The Academies (https://www.facebook.com/groups/theacademies/) to glean takeaways and pertinent information you can use with your clients today!

As you know, using brain-based techniques in career coaching is a passion of mine. I’ve heard from many people in our community who report an increase in confidence, competence, and compensation when using the brain-based techniques.

Paradigm Chart

One of my favorites is discovering which paradigm your client is operating from. We discussed this at length in session #1 of the Virtual Bootcamp:

 

 

Also, did you know that you actually have 3 “brains”? Many Virtual Bootcamp attendees were surprised by this new information. The neural networks in our head, heart, and gut are worth paying attention to. Head, Heart GutEach of these neural networks plays a key role in decisions made during the job search, interview process, and landing the job.

 

To learn more visit: http://www.theacademies.com/the-academies-5th-annual-virtual-bootcamp/

If you have any question, please reach out to our Program Advisor, Shelly Cantrell (Shelly@TheAcademies.com or 877-659-3769 ext. 1). Through November 26th , you can use the following coupon code to save $50 off the archives and handouts (Plus bonus handouts not shared live!): VIPSAVE50

 

 

 

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Life’s Vice Grip, or Life’s Hugs?

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

Have you or your clients ever felt like Life had you in a “vice grip”? A vice grip is something unpleasant that you (or your clients) would love to get out of, and yet you can’t! For example:

  • shutterstock_212341042The uncertainty of how long a job search will last
  • Bills that need paid and not enough money
  • A relationship that’s causing angst
  • A job that is killing you, but feeling like you can’t quit
  • New skills that need mastered without the hope you can learn it all
  • Important projects that need done and not enough time, focus, or energy to finish

The vice grip can feel like an intersection of uncertainty, pain, fear, lack, and loss of control. You want things to change. You want it to be fixed. Or you wonder if it’s possible to be fixed. Or you wonder if anyone even knows what you’re going through, or cares.

Being a student of emotional intelligence, I’ve been acutely aware of how my current vice grip is causing me to react (I’ll skip the details—suffice to say that I can claim several of the bullets above … and I’m probably amongst good company!).

I vacillate between being nervous and scared, then kicking into action to control whatever controllables I can, then back to being nervous and scared, then wondering if things will work out, then back to being nervous and scared, then taking action, etc. It’s a bit of a roller coaster.

shutterstock_97094300In the midst of all of this, I stumbled on an article about why hugs are important. Hugging allows us to relax, and enables us to be more resilient. The writer suggested an exercise, for example, that when a spouse comes home from work, the other spouse should greet the partner with a full-frontal hug—and hold the hug long enough until each feels the other relax. (Absent a spouse, look for a friend, family member, or even a pet to try this out—it works!).

And then I saw a bigger-picture connection. Maybe life’s vice grips are really Life’s full-frontal hugs—circumstances allowed into our lives that cause us to hold tight to our values, tap into our strengths, believe it will all work out . . . and relax.

And like the full-frontal hug exercise, we must hold on until we relax. And with that relaxation, we find the calm-connect and energy-action to meet the possibilities in front of us. With gratitude. With creativity. With perseverance. With love.

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Do You See What I See?

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

shutterstock_138535850My daughter passed along a You Tube video to me recently that really caused me to stop and ponder. Dove (the soap people) hired a talented forensic artist to create sketches of ordinary women based on verbal descriptions only. Separated by a curtain in a loft filled with beautiful light, the artist asked one woman at a time to describe herself. “Tell me about your hair. Tell me about your chin… your jaw … your most prominent feature…,” he asked.

Prior to entering the artist’s loft, each woman had been introduced to another woman—a stranger who was given instructions to simply get to know the person. The stranger, unaware of the sketching experiment, was ushered into the studio a bit later. The artist once again began his questioning to draw a second composite of the original woman, this time from the perspective of the stranger: “Tell me about the woman you just visited with … her hair … her chin … her jaw … her most prominent feature.”

The two sketches were later revealed side by side. In each case, the self-description sketch looked harsh and less attractive, while the stranger’s description was softer, gentler, and more alive. Clearly, the strangers saw a uniqueness and beauty that the women couldn’t see or own.

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If you’re working with clients who see the worst in themselves (and shoot themselves in the foot in the process because of it), consider this coaching idea:

Give your client a comparison assignment: Ask the client to describe him/herself in just 1 word plus and then list 3 of your best professional skills. Next, have the client ask some close friends to “describe me in just 1 word, and then 3 of my best professional skills.” (As a variation, a tool such as the 360Reach can also generate some positive feedback.) If the client operates from a faith-based dimension, ask how a loving and merciful God would describe him/her.

Once the results come in:

  • —  Explore the comparisons.
  • —  More importantly, explore what it would take to “own” the compliments and accolades that come in … or the motives/rationale for not believing the good things that others say.
  • —  Offer “stretch requests” by asking the client to be grateful for those specific attributes!
  • —  shutterstock_131955923Look for ways that the compliments translate into part of the client’s value to employers and gift to the world!

All of these activities can add to your client’s confidence and resiliency!

P.S. Here’s the Dove video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk

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X-Men, Coaching & Rewriting the Future

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

x-men-days-of-future-past-professor-xMany moons ago when I married my husband, I was NOT a sci-fi fan. It was about last on my list of favorite movie genres, right above horror films. Give me a British drama or chick-flick any day of the week, but “no thank you” to sci-fi.

 

How things change. I soon learned that if I wanted to see a movie with my husband, I needed to be open-minded to what he liked. And so I’ve learned to appreciate movies like the X-Men and Inception and 2001 Space Odyssey. Last weekend, the whole family went to see X-Men’s latest release, Days of Future Past. Without spoilers, the movie points out how our choices today can impact not only our lives but many others’ lives in the days to come.

 

shutterstock_29017780(1)As a coach, you can imagine that “I’m all over that!” Choices create change. We all know that choosing to eat healthy today (and every day) will help create health in the decades to come. For business owners, choosing to spend time on marketing today will help create new business in the months to come. For job seekers, choosing to pick up the phone and have meaningful conversations with networking contacts today will create trust and more job opportunities in the weeks to come.

 

For change to happen, we need to create an environment conducive to change (the “helpful how’s”), and we need “inspiring why’s” associated with the change. Let’s start with the latter. Let’s say you want to change your financial situation for the better.

 

  • shutterstock_88446508(1)The Inspiring Why’s: We all have reasons for why we want something. To achieve significant change, go beyond the obvious. For example, perhaps you want to boost your finances because your child needs braces for her teeth. That’s a valid reason.

    But stretch a bit to think beyond this. What do those braces represent? Is it a life of greater confidence for your child? More opportunities for her? Better dental health down the road? Or maybe some of the “inspiring why” has to do with you: The opportunity to feel like you have provided well for her? The ability to learn something new (how to market better, how to provide a new service, etc.).

    If you really, really want to create change, go deep with your “why’s”!

 

  • shutterstock_150769385(1)The Helpful How’s: How does your environment need to change to help create change? Is it that you need to surround yourself with experts, mentors, and role models who inspire you? Is it that the television or Netflix needs to get turned off? Is it that your calendar needs to get rearranged so that activities that bring the highest income and highest impact take priority? Is it that you need to clean your desk so you’ve got room to create and hear yourself think?

    All of the inspiration in the world (the “why’s” above) won’t create change. It must be paired with meaningful action!

 

So think about what you want in the future. Then consider: What’s your “inspiring why”? What’s your “helpful how” to conduce change? Share your story!!

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Leveraging Gratitude in Career Coaching

By Susan Whitcomb | No Comments »

infographic gratitudeNumerous researchers in the field of positive psychology have learned that gratitude impacts many areas of our lives, as the infographic to the right shows:

•        Happy people’s income is roughly 7% higher

•        Grateful people on average give 20% more time and dollars.

•        Grateful people will have 10% fewer stress-related illnesses, be more physically fit, have blood pressure that is lower by 12%.

•        Grateful people are 20% more likely to get “A” grades

I wish there were statistics on how gratitude impacted job seekers’ success rates! If there were such stats, I’m confident they would show that grateful job seekers network more easily, get jobs faster, and negotiate bigger salaries (this last one is borne out in the first bullet above, with happy people having incomes 7% higher).

Gratitude ushers in the concept of provision. It causes us to view the world through a lens of possibility instead of problem, to believe “I have everything I need … right now.” The negative emotions of fear, anxiousness, and worry are based in anticipation of not having enough …  not having enough control, certainty, time, money, energy, health, protection, resources, wellbeing, wisdom, appreciation, acceptance, trust, ease. Simply put:

half full half empty•        Lack of enough is scarcity.

•        Plenty of enough is abundance.

 

Practical Application

So how do you leverage gratitude when coaching your clients? If you are working with someone who is bummed out over a job loss, be cautious about coming straight out and saying “what are you grateful for?,” because it can sound insensitive.

Instead, first acknowledge the pain. For example:

“I hear the frustration… not what you were hoping for.”

And then, consider saying something like”

“Without denying those feelings, what do you hope this situation will open up for you … make possible for you?”

This is a way of tapping the gratitude emotion without using the word “grateful” or “gratitude.” So, dear colleagues and friends, what do you hope your current situation will open up for you?! :)

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