I was coaching an entrepreneurial client recently and, as is so often the case, a limiting belief reared its ugly head in the middle of our coaching session. No surprise, as we all have them (limiting beliefs), including moi!

Specifically, we talked about putting systems in place that would support her annual revenue goals. Listening carefully, I caught a clue to the roadblock when she said, “I’m just no good at organizing.” You’ve probably used a similar phrase, such as:

• I’m no good at …
• I’ve never been able to successfully …
• I am just not talented at …
• My gift is definitely not …
• I wish I didn’t have to …

Whatever the phrase, it probably related to a task that you regularly avoid or procrastinate on, such as:

• Marketing
• Closing sales
• Growing my business
• Bookkeeping
• Networking
• Social media
• Getting/staying organized
• Staying up on technology
• Following up with your clients/network
• Or fill in your own “I’m-no-good-at” task here: ____________

So what do you do when you hit a “I’m-no-good-at-that” roadblock? Before I offer some insights, first pick something from the above task list that resonates with you so you have something tangible with which to relate these ideas.

Now, here are three insights and suggestions:

1. Incapacitate the accusations: Notice your language or self-talk. Don’t condemn or berate yourself. Just curiously notice and name it, whether silently or aloud. E.g., “I’m noticing that I am labeling myself as ‘not good at’ x.”
2. Remember the W.I.N. (“What’s Important Now/Next?”) Decide how important “x” is to your success. If you chose “closing sales,” and you don’t have a waiting list of clients ready to thrust money into your hands, it’s likely that “closing sales” is pretty important. If it’s “staying up on technology” but that isn’t critical to the success of your business, note that as well. Focus on important items.
3. Swap it: Substitute your “I’m-no-good-at” phrase for this new phrase:“I don’t know how to [x] … YET!”

When we shift from “I’m no good at” to “I don’t know how to … YET!” we shift from condemnation to exoneration, and with exoneration to encouragement. As a human being, you are a living, breathing, learning machine. Your brain is capable of wiring more new neuropathways and healthy habits than you could ever dream possible.

Everything you need for success can either be 1) learned or 2) paid for and performed by someone else. If you’re growing your business, you may choose to “learn” more than you “pay for” initially (focus on doing the things that only you can do and delegate the rest).

So what is the mind-shift for you? What do you want to learn next?

One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the gift of a mentor — an experienced colleague by your side who has traveled just a little farther down the road than you have … one who is willing to share her expertise, experiences, encouragement … her mistakes and how to avoid them … her secrets and how to leverage them.

When I was learning coaching, I worked with several mentors, but primarily an amazing saint by the name of Judy Santos. Judy began her heavenly, eternal life almost two years ago. I still miss her and wish I could ask her questions, seek her support, hear her perspective.

It got me thinking about the benefits of a mentor. Here are just a few . . .

• Safety: A safe place to make mistakes (it’s what we all do when we’re learning!)
• Feedback: I loved receiving confidential feedback (read: not embarrassed in front of others for my lack of mastery) on what I was doing right, and what I could do differently.
• Awareness: Judy gently (sometimes bluntly) uncovered my blind spots . . . I’ll never forget the time she asked me, “what will happen if you don’t do this?” (those words echo in my head still today when I’m having trouble finding my courage!).
• Momentum: I grew by leaps and bounds in my coaching skills.
• Ideas & Insights: I could ask questions about the client situations I was dealing with.
• Networking: I developed a deep professional relationship, as well as a personal friendship. Our professional relationship helped grow my business. Our personal relationship enriched my life. I was even able to visit Judy in Washington four weeks before she died.
• Stretch: I grew in my ability to coach ‘stuck’ clients and different client types through challenging role plays.
• Confidence: This was probably the biggest benefit for me … I discovered that as my confidence grew, my client list grew … clients will hire you not just for your competence but also for your confidence!

I originally crafted this list of benefits when we introduced The Academies “FREE” Mentor Coaching offer that’s going on through December 16 (a huge $1,700 savings that we can only offer on a limited time basis to a handful of people). If you’re in the market for (dare I say it?) life-changing coach certification training, now might be the time to investigate it further. You can do so here: http://www.theacademies.com/free-mentor-coaching/

And, how about you … how has your life been bettered with a mentor at your side? Or, if you’ve yet to experience that, what would you LIKE to change?

To your significance and success,

Susan

Several weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about the things I’d do differently if I had it to do all over again. Here is the next installment of what will no doubt be an ongoing series.

Redo #3: I wouldn’t get so down about being down.

Let’s face it. There will be times when we’re up, and there will be times when we’re down. I had one of those ‘down’ days yesterday. Nothing earth-shattering or crisis-like. It was little stuff, like . . .

• I had finished a wonderful fiction book, but then felt sad to say goodbye to my characters and get back to the tasks at hand. (I know, this sounds really wimpy of me!!)
• I’d eaten too much over Thanksgiving and my pants were tight. (I bet I’m not alone!)
• I didn’t get my exercise in, so felt even more sluggish.
• I’d looked at the dollars needed to meet all the December payrolls and thought ‘yikes.’
• I couldn’t think of who to invite for The Academies’ January Thought Leader Forum, and it’s supposed to be announced in today’s newsletter. :/
• I didn’t know what to write about for today’s blog post.

Again, nothing significant, but combined, it was enough to push my buttons. And then I beat myself up with thoughts of “you’re going to gain back all that weight you lost” or “Christmas is a terrible time to try to sell anything that isn’t going under the tree…you’re not going to have enough.”

Anybody relate?

Today, I’m feeling better, although not much is drastically different. The subtle changes:

• I did get my exercise in this morning and that helped oxygenate my brain.
• I gave myself permission to NOT YET know who the January Thought Leader Forum guest will be (anybody have a suggestion!?!).
• I wrote a blog post about what’s REALLY going on in my life, figuring it’s authentic and some of you might relate!
• Lyndsey, bless her heart, sent me (unsolicited) some great ideas for December promotions.
• I guess the main thing that’s different is that I’m thinking differently.

So bottom line: Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not having a super-duper day! When you take the ‘monkey-in-your-mind’ (the Saboteur, the Accuser, or whatever your name for that voice inside your head) out of the equation, it’s a much different scenario.

The freedom from that guilt and condemnation does two important things:

1. It opens up space to see/hear the possibilities and experience optimism/hope . . . and with it,
2. The energy and courage to take the right action.

What are your insights? And, regardless of your up or down status, how will YOU take the right action today?!

In support of your significance and success,

Susan

I love milestones. It’s cause to look back and take pleasure in the progress, learn from the mis-steps, and plan for the future. Although I’ve been an entrepreneur for a couple of decades in total (wow, that makes me feel old!), this year marked the 10^th year that our company has focused on training coaches … coaches who would be the catalysts to change the world, one life at a time, whether in people’s career management or job search endeavors, their social media savvy, their growth as a leader or executive, their depth as a human being, their contributions to their employers, communities, world . . . and more. I love our mission!

As I thought about the past, Lyndsey asked me if I could find some old pictures of me. I realize I haven’t been great about organizing my pictures, but I did come up with a few, the earliest from my high school graduation (thanks, Mom, for digging that one up), and a few circa the late 80’s and mid 90’s, to present day. (Ha! I noticed that all these pictures managed to get me at my lower weights … I guess I avoided the camera when the scale was not in my favor! Anybody relate?)

My reminiscence led me to thinking what I would do differently if I had it to do all over again. Do you ever wonder the same? Imagine we’re at the end of our lives, sitting down over coffee or tea, and looking back with 20-20 vision. I came up with my list, and will share just two  ideas here.

1. Get … ummm, make that … Ask for Help Sooner

The curse of the introvert (especially the feeling-typed introvert), in my humble opinion, is that we get lost in our thoughts and tripped up by our aversion to imposing on others. In my head, these tapes play: “I’m sure I’ll be able to figure this out on my own … I don’t want to bother him … If I ask for help, they’ll lose their confidence in me … ” and so on.

As I’ve mellowed over the years, I’ve learned that two (or more) heads are better than one. This truth was acutely driven home when I coauthored, with Chandlee Bryan and Deb Dib, The Twitter Job Search Guide. Not only were there three heads working on that project, there were some 100 total who helped crowd-source the book, from featured chapter contributors to tweet-tip contributors. What a joy that was, and what a success as it was nominated for awards and won CDI’s Career Innovator award.

Collaborating with others doesn’t need to be reserved for big projects, like writing a book. There are days when I pick up the phone and call Lyndsey Lehman, The Academies VP of Operations, just to talk through a small project. In the discussion, new ideas come up, or Lyndsey shares a great idea, or I come up with another idea.

If I had it to do over again, I’d reach out sooner and to more people. The sparks that come from coming together are irreplaceable. I’ll be so bold as to say that you CANNOT ever do as well on your own as you could with a passel of passionate and talented people by your side.

(I’d be quite remiss at this point if I didn’t give a shout-out to team members beyond Lyndsey—Katy Kotman in Student Services, and Marcy Pusey in Web/Social Media, as well as the thought leaders who are currently associated with The Academies in curriculum design, instruction, and advisory roles: Beverly Harvey, Kim Avery, Deb Dib, Chandlee Bryan, Jason Alba, Barbara Safani, Pat Schuler, Elisabeth Sanders-Park, Bryan Lubic, Kit Prendergast.)

Next on the list . . .

2. Ease Up on Your Timelines.

Have you ever imposed a deadline on yourself for getting something done? For example, “I’ll have my Facebook Fan Page done by Friday, the 18^th” or “I’ll get that ebook written by the end of the month.” And when I don’t make the deadline, the monkey-in-my-mind has a field day criticizing me and making me feel guilty.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for goals and getting things done. But, often those goals aren’t realistic for the time it really takes to get stuff done. Allow yourself time to deal with unexpecteds: a friend drops by to chat, an elderly family member who needs care/attention, dinner that takes longer than normal to cook, a child who needs help with homework, the bump on your leg that’s gotten infected and requires yet another doctor’s visit, the dog that poops inside the house and there’s a mess to clean up … you get the picture. (Hey, that’s my list from just the past week!)

What can happen when we get into a habit of setting deadlines and missing them? Our brain creates a ‘map’ that says ‘you don’t make your deadlines.’ And that becomes the norm. We teach ourselves to miss deadlines.

If I had it to do over again, I’d give myself estimates and ranges of time, instead of hard-n-fast deadlines. Think of all the time and grief you’ll save yourself when you don’t have to beat yourself up for missing the deadline! Allow yourself “unexpecteds” time, as I mentioned above. And allow yourself “gel” time—time to let things percolate in your subconscious, especially for writing projects or big decisions. Allow yourself time to not yet know the answer, tho’ trust that the answer will come.

That’s just two of more than a dozen on my list. I’m starting to feel a book coming on, or at least a series of posts on this topic. Keep a watch out for them. =)

In the meantime, what would YOU do differently in your business if you had it to do all over again?!

Now, the challenge is to DO.IT.TODAY!

Enjoying the journey with you,

Susan